I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Randomize