the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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