sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
You pole danced in your parka.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
