I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
