So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
