There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
He passed out mid-signature
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
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