If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
We left the knife in your bed.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize