didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
