He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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