Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
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