i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
