He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
