he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize