i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
