So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
