i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
