i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
So much rum. So many feels.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
i now understand why vodka
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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