Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
