ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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