Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
