you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
