He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
