people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
