Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
