I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Everything about him screamed your future.
you didnt know i had herpes?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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