how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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