I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize