He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
