her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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