Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
if only i could text you this smell
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize