I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
