I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
