Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
