True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
