she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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