another moral hangover. fuck.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
