At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
