Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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