Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
