she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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