Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
