but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
