where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
