need another drink. this is the easiest way
Need sex. Gaining weight.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
