Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I think your dad took our porno
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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