We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
