I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
