I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
