i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I cut my penus on the lid.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
