i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
