his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
