Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Randomize
