hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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