just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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