Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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