why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
