So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
