Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
