her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
