were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize