You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
