I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
He's a Shit stain on my heart
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
