I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
