I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
