dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
