You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
