Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
My liver is preforming stress tests.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
