I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Randomize
