Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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