I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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