I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
