I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
