Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize