Soap is not a condiment
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
i've created a new STD.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize