I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I look excited, but its just a facade.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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