Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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