i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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