I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize