Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
