I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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