I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
