Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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