Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
When are your genitals available?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
