why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
