ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
