Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
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