I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
