you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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