she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I intend to get homeless drunk
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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