2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
