Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Randomize
