Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Randomize
