Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
