Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
