You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
