That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
