He asked to "fluff my boner.."
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
